PARADIGM SHIFT

There seems to be a whole lot of controversy and conflict out there these days, and the debate usually turns to the issue of suicidal LGBTQ youth.  Here's our perspective (for what it's worth).......

Our wish is that all of us “FOLKS” (Friends  Of  LGBTQ  Kids who are Suicidal)-(*I just made that up J*) can come together, with more open minds, in an joint effort to help save lives in any and all ways possible.  This means that all of us FOLKS may not agree on exactly what is “helping”, and what is not “helping”, but, we will concede to at least consider all FOLKS ideas, and admit that none of us have all the answers.

We feel a strong need to express a few thoughts that are possibly different than the “average” Gay Rights Advocate’s  ideas and beliefs, but we hope and pray that all FOLKS (Friends  Of  LGBTQ  Kids who are Suicidal) will open their minds to a possible PARADIGM SHIFT; a different way of thinking and attitude by ALL gay rights activists and advocates, that might make a world of difference for some (or even many), of our desperate, struggling, and suicidal youth.

I have heard and read many comments representing that the ONLY OPTION for an individual who is “struggling” with their sexual desires, identity, and/or attractions, is to ....

#1. Come out to the world, 

#2. Pursue and embrace relationship(s) with same sex partner(s),   and

#3. Turn away from their core religious beliefs, if those beliefs do not completely support #1 & #2. 

We are not genius's, but we know, and think that it’s common sense, that anyone who is depressed, feels lost, confused, hopeless, and/or suicidal,… that the best thing in the world for them is to....

FIRST – know that they are loved and of value, and

NEXT – to believe that they have OPTIONS,  (The more Options the better), And especially that they are FREE to choose their life’s course and BE WHO THEY WANT TO BE.

We know that in some cases, a person’s suicidal thoughts and feelings of hopelessness can be caused by the pressures they feel from others.  Pressures from those “voices” in their personal lives, and also, all those voices coming from the media and world around them.

We acknowledge whole heartily that although LGBTQ individuals were not free to choose their sexual attractions & desires, but they DO have an abundance of options (just as anyone does) of just exactly how THEY CHOOSE to manage, mold, and live their lives.  To us, THIS is what all of us FOLKS need to be telling these kids.  We need to reassure them that they are loved NO MATTER WHAT path they create for themselves and their lives, and encourage them to search in their hearts and not let ANYONE get in their way.  (This means parents, friends, church, including “gay pride” (for lack of a better word) pressures, the media, etc.)  

It seems to us that if a young guy or gal is depressed, confused, hopeless, and suicidal – then pressure from anyone or anywhere is not good.  And possibly, in some cases, the pressures from the “Gay Pride – ONLY ONE OPTION” attitude is more damaging than helping.  

A suicidal person does not need any more pressure, they need to feel free to be able to take control of their lives and decide how to live their lives.  They need lots of options and lots of love.   There seems to be just as much “passion”, “anger”, and “intolerance” on the part of those preaching “OUT & EMBRACE” as those preaching that homosexuality is a sin, and possibly sometimes more.   We believe that all this “debate” in the midst of young people killing themselves is absolutely and completely counter- productive.  

We have been reading and hearing a lot of highly emotionally charged debates over the idea of pursuing/living in a Mixed Orientation Relationship (MOR).  Many (usually those who have no personal experience with a MOR themselves) seem to be convinced that a Mixed Orientation Relationship is LESS real, LESS satisfying, LESS acceptable, LESS fulfilling, LESS desirable, and LESS likely to last, than a Same Sex Relationship.  

We submit that, if we are honest and open minded (which is what most of us usually demand from the world), we will have to acknowledge and accept the fact that there are actually individuals out there in society who know for themselves and insist that their Mixed Orientation Relationship is NOT LESS – for them…… IT’S MOR(E).  For them, for whatever reason, their decision to pursue/live in a MOR is what works best for them, and it is MORE comfortable, MORE complete, and MORE in tune with their core personal beliefs.  They feel MORE content, MORE happy, and MORE at peace with their individual lifestyle choices.  They are insisting that their lifestyle IS living their “authentic” self.   How can anyone of us FOLKS argue with that?

 Intellectually, we have to concede that this is a valid choice for some, it clearly works for some, and therefore, there must be “some” struggling individuals who will identify with this reality in a positive way and find it hopeful and helpful to them as they build their lives and pursue their dreams.  THIS “OPTION”, or the knowledge that there are others whose lives mirror their life, could literally SAVE SOME LIVES;  lives that would be ultimately pushed to the breaking  point of hopelessness and suicide if they believed that the ONLY OPTION that they were seeing and hearing about didn’t fit with “their” life, or “their” goals for “their” future.

Certainly these individuals desiring something different for themselves, and those currently living in MORs, are entitled to their life choices just as much as any LGBTQ individuals are entitled to theirs.  And, they have just as much right to share their experiences, beliefs, feelings, and success with the world as anyone does.  We feel a movement building, and although many who live happily in MORs are silent,  many of us want to be heard, we believe we have something to offer, and we are not going away.  Maybe someday we’ll have our own “parade” - will any of you join us? – will you be marching with us?

We feel so strongly that the Weed’s story, or our story, or anyone’s story, for that matter, should not be held up, by someone else, to anyone else, to try to influence another individual to follow “their” lead…..But,  we truly believe that ALL SUCCESS STORIES, from either “side”, if you will,  completely and absolutely deserves to be told for the use of any individual who see’s the story as an option for them and wishes to use these stories for their personal life if they choose to do so.    Notice, we said, “for the individual’s use – their choice, their decision”.  No one has the right to judge the Weed’s, or us, (and others in Mixed Orientation Relationships) as something bad, wrong, or that should not be shared, and especially, no one can fairly blame Christians for causing despair in Christian LGBTQ youth, any more than the pressures imposed on them by the “gay pride” community to come out, embrace the lifestyle, and turn away from their core beliefs.

LGBTQ youth (and adults for that matter) have a real and complex struggle; hopefully, society is learning and improving to lessen their heartaches and hardships, questions and concerns.  And maybe there will come a day when it is not so difficult (we hope & pray), but until then, the fact remains that no one has all the answers, and the pressures from all walks of society (including the “anti-religion” society) are not helping.   IF, anyone had all the answers, there would be far less suicides, and if the last 20+ years of the Gay Rights Movement and media blitz (which we personally support and recognize the awareness that has come from it) hasn’t stopped the confusion and heartache, then maybe we all need to take a chill pill, breath, and admit that we don’t have all the answers.  Maybe, just maybe, there is a select group of gay/lesbian individuals who are just not “cut out” for the one size fits all answers offered up until recently. 

Maybe, if in some cases, religion is creating a “hang-up”, then we need to acknowledge that “religion” is huge and has been around since the beginning of time basically, and probably won’t be “stamped out” in our lifetime, so…. 

Possibly, religious FOLKS might be better equipped to help some religious individuals, as the truth may be that the “out & embrace” options and opinions are just not the answer for them, while the “religious” options are exactly what they want and need to find THEIR peace and contentment.

Maybe, just maybe, God has had a hand in ALL the gay awareness that has happened through the years, and maybe….God is currently stretching forth His almighty hand to further reach out to those who believe that living a gay lifestyle is not for them.  We believe that GOD IS REACHING OUT – through the new website by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, through Josh & Lolly Weed, our life and story, (and others like us who are telling their stories), and through the very FACT that many gay individuals ARE living happy, fulfilled, and productive lives within the teachings of the gospel that they love and believe in to their core.

We know and testify that it is through God and his infinite love and almighty power that we have managed to define our lives and our marriage into the amazing a wonderful blessing that it is today.  And, we ARE an example of another option  – for some….that’s a GOOD thing, and for some….it IS helping.

We hope and pray that everyone who feels passionate about this issue will know and realize that we are ALL “FOLKS”  (Friends  Of  LGBTQ  Kids who are Suicidal), and, that we ALL have something to offer, and that ALL of our feelings, opinions, and beliefs should be respected, and, together….. we can put a stop to the debate, the hate, the suicides, and the pain; -and start trying to understand the real hearts and souls, feelings and beliefs of those who are struggling.  Understanding ALL individuals’ feelings and beliefs is the key to helping, pushing OUR feelings and beliefs on them IS NOT.  And especially anyone assuming they have the one and only answer is narrow minded and WRONG.

Please people, let’s accept the truth that there are definitely those who are so extremely strong in their religious beliefs (for whatever reason – let’s don’t get into that – cause it is what it is), that they personally feel and know for themselves, that a same sex relationship lifestyle is not for them, even though they are obviously attracted to their same sex.  Please, let’s do what we can to empower these individuals to figure things out for themselves.  BACK OFF!.  The only advice we should be giving them is to remind them that they are loved, they have options, and encourage them to take control of their lives and release “our” efforts to control their lives, – (even if their choices and decisions, which possibly make them happy, don’t make us happy).    

It seems like everyone could benefit from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints new website’s message of acceptance, tolerance, and love.   LGBTQ youth need LESS PRESSURE, not only from the “religious” community, but also from the “out & embrace” community as well.   When you really think about it, it’s clear – us “FOLKS” ARE truly in this together, we ALL have the same ultimate goal, to help and even save suicidal LGBTQ youth.   The overall message of the new church website works both ways, and it is ultimately a message that all FOLKS should show kindness, acceptance, and love to anyone and everyone who is gay.

please...